I know what you're thinking - it's technically not even summer yet, and you're right. We've still got a few more days of spring, and it hasn't even gotten that hot yet where we live. But I'm not talking about dog days like hot, sultry weather. I'm talking about days of me, all me, around our house.
You see, the last month or so has brought about some changes, the most important of which is school is out for the summer. This means life is all about Big Brother - as usual, so that's not a change. But the daily schedule has changed significantly, because Big Brother attends different camps all summer - outdoor adventure, music, soccer . . . you name it. And a schedule change always impacts me, because Mom and Dad have to figure out whether or not they can pick me up at dog camp before closing time - if not, no camp - or if Dad can come home at lunch to let me out and take me for a walk - if yes, I stay home.
So far this summer break, due to camp schedules, I've had many stay-home days, as we call them in our house. Now, some people might say, "Oh, poor doggie! He has to stay home all by himself!" And there was a time when I wouldn't have disagreed, but that time is not now. Don't get me wrong - I love dog camp! But I have figured out the secret to being home alone.
I've contemplated whether I should divulge my secrets or not - it's not like I can keep them from Mom if I blog about them - but I've decided it's information all dogs should know, so I'm taking the risk.
Secret tip number 1: Look sad. Look very, very sad when they leave you. For good measure, you can even grumble, whine, or just flat out cry. This might even net you a pity snack before your humans walk out the door.
Secret tip number 2: Pay attention to how your humans do stuff around the house. For instance, how do they get the microwave to turn on? How does the TV remote work? How does the trash can open? Where are the takeout menus and which of those joints have your parents' payment info already? This information is key to having a great time when no one is there to help, say, pop a bag of microwave popcorn to go with a morning movie or order sesame chicken for lunch.
Of course, the house can't smell like popcorn or Chinese food when your humans return home, so plan accordingly. In a pinch, some well-timed dog gas will take care of any pleasant, incriminating scent that remains. Otherwise, you get busted munching on some lo mein like me in those snaps above.
Secret tip number 3: Pay close attention to where everything's permanent place is. For instance, the TV remote, PlayStation remote, and PlayStation controller in our house all sit in specific spots on the end table next to Dad's seat in the family room. Every now and then, I can afford to forget to put that stuff back, and Dad will blame Big Brother. He will protest vehemently, and Mom and Dad will be like, "Yeah, right. Put stuff back where it belongs," and I will silently chuckle. But if that happens too often or in the middle of a school week when Big Bro isn't home, someone is sure to eventually suspect that Big Brother is not the culprit. I guess the jig is up on that now, but boy was it fun while it lasted.
Secret tip number 4: Know the schedule, and keep an eye on the clock. Your dog walker, dog sitter, dog dad, or whoever will probably come by at the same time every day - know what time that is! You don't want to be in the middle of binge watching Bridgerton while sipping tea when Dad waltzes through the door for your lunch time walk!
All these tips come together to make a great stay-home day. If you look sad to be left, no one will ever suspect you have big plans for the day. And if you know how to, at the very least, work the major appliances in your house, you have a variety of options for food and entertainment. Formulate a solid plan to cover your tracks, and no one will be the wiser! Good luck!
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