Cue the spaghetti western music.
We all have that one neighbor. The guy who mows further and further away from the property line each time, leaving you more and more to cut. The gal who lets her yappy dog out when you're trying to chill on the deck. The guy who lets his dog poo in your yard and never picks it up. The lady who parks just close enough to your car every day to make it crazy hard for you to get your car out, while leaving herself half a car length on the other end so it's easy for her. You know what I'm talking about. They pluck your nerves. Every time you see them you clearly hear the shrill whistle and the waa waa waa that says,"It's on," in spaghetti western theme music. Well, dogs have neighbor relationships like that, too.
"That guy" for me is Maurice the Mutt. I say mutt with zero judgment, since I am a mutt myself. And what does he do to be that guy? Where do I start? He has a privacy fence around his yard, but only for half of it. The other half is like a farm fence with chicken wire across it, which means I can see him. And he knows I can see him, so he sits up there on the hill staring down at me. No civil communication; just stares. It's a bit creepy.
Second, he barks a lot at all hours of the day and night. He even barks at Mom when she is working in the yard. One time, when Mom was raking leaves, he barked at her the entire time. No exaggeration there at all - seriously. The whole time. He also barks at her when she's mowing the grass. I can hear him over the roar of the riding mower, and he's not saying anything nice, I'll tell you that. Anyone who dogs my mom (pun intended) is "that guy."
The most aggravating thing he does is get out of his fence - and he won't tell me how he does it! He wreaks havoc all over the neighborhood. Kids run screaming from him, because he puts on this aggressive attack dog front, when all he wants to do is play. I've tried to tell him that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but he said he wasn't catching flies - just enjoying making everyone crazy. Sigh. But when he's out running around, he comes right up to my fence and pushes his nose through, with his nanny-nanny-boo-boo business, because I can't get out - and then he does his nasty business in our yard, after which he has the nerve to yap at Mom while she picks it up. That guy.
Anyway, the other day, I heard Mom and Dad talking about Maurice's human family, Mellow Guy and Friendly Gal, who are technically his grandparents. Those aren't their human names, of course - Mom and Dad call them normal names I can't think of right now - but that's what they are to me. Mellow Guy is always quiet and chill. Even when he's supposed to be helping catch Maurice and get him back in the yard, he is so smooth and cool and calm. He always says, "Hey, Gus. How you doin'?" and scratches me behind the ears. Friendly Gal is the sweetest. Mom loves stopping to chat with her no matter what she's doing, and I do, too, since she always says things like, "Gus, you look like you've lost weight!" Well, thank you. My humans are barely feeding me these days, so I can't I help it, but thanks for noticing.
Anyway, what Mom and Dad were chatting about is that Maurice's family is moving! I thought - did my ears hear that right?! Hasta la Vista, baby! Sayonara! Don't let the fence gate hit you on the way out!
"Gus!" Mom was shocked. "Why would you say that? We love those guys. They're great neighbors."
"Um, I'm not sure that's the sentiment you had about Maurice last week when he was barking at 5:00 a.m.," I remarked.
"Fair point," Mom replied. "But I'm telling you - you're going to miss him. We're all going to miss him."
"Ha! Miss that guy? I don't think so."
"You'll see," Mom insisted. "It's kind of like when we were in the pandemic. People who hated doing grocery shopping before it happened actually missed going to the store during it. People who never gave a hoot about the person three cubicles over from them in the office couldn't wait to get back to work to see them. It's funny how our minds work. Even if we didn't like something much, some part of us always misses it when it's gone."
I gave this some thought and then said, "I really think you're wrong. What the heck could I miss about Maurice?"
"He's kind of your dog buddy. Even if you try to see who can bark the most ferociously at each other sometimes, he's still a kindred spirit. He's more like you than we are."
I didn't tell Mom that was kind of a good point, but I also won't miss his creepy stares, so I'm a little conflicted. We do chat a lot about the fox family living in the woods behind our neighborhood, though, and I might miss that. I might miss watching Mellow Guy and Friendly Gal trying to corral him when he's terrorizing the neighborhood.
I will definitely always laugh when I think about the time Mom and I were taking a walk on our street, and a new neighbor pulled up alongside in her car to say, "Your dog is so adorable," to which Mom tried to say, "Thanks," as the lady said, "but watch out for that other dog - he's vicious!" She was genuinely scared. Mom and I hurried home wondering what vicious hound had been released upon the neighborhood and its children, but when we got back down to our house, we saw Maurice tearing through the yard. He might be annoying, but he's not vicious! We sure had a good laugh.
Then there was the time we were both out for a walk on our leashes at the same time - and we touched noses and sniffed butts. What a moment! After months of separation by fence posts, we met, nose to nose and butt to butt. Hmmm . . . I guess it's possible I could miss him. I could also admit that he does do some cool things.
Why just yesterday, first thing in the morning, there was a whole ruckus out front - neighbors shouting, Maurice barking viciously, and me jumping against the front door, as Maurice tore up the street after Daddy Fox. And I mean tore up that street! Oh, he was a dog after my own heart! He was living my dream! Mom came downstairs and asked Big Brother what all the racket was about. He said, all nonchalant like, "Oh, Maurice was just chasing the fox." Just chasing the fox?! Fella - in dog world, escaping your yard like Houdini is one thing, but then to cap it off with a fox chase that gets the neighborhood pumping at 6:30 a.m.? That's the stuff legends are made of! Man, I think I am gonna miss that guy. Dog buddies now and forever, one for all and all for one! Alright, that might be a little much, but after reflection, I take back my sassy sayonara. We'll close out this post with feelings of a fond farewell for Maurice and his mellow, friendly family, along with less ominous imaginary music than how we started it. Cue the tearjerker movie finale music!
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