Spring and summer are card season around my house. Kicking it off with Mother's Day, we hit Dad's birthday, Father's Day, and Mom's birthday all within a few weeks. Since I can't go to the store to pick out a card, what's a dog to do? Get creative, that's what! I'm fortunate enough to go to dog camp nearly every day, and one of my favorite activities is arts and crafts. Those wonderful humans at camp tee up a project, and I put my own stamp on it - a nose print, a paw print - whatever works. I'm good at it, right?
I can tell you're thinking what I'm thinking - that I'm channeling another smooth artistic dude we all know.
When Mom saw this card, she flipped! When Dad told her he'd asked the staff at camp to make it, she nearly flipped out. When we were alone, she said, "I can't believe Dad had them make that card for me! I wish I'd have thought about that for Dad. I looked in the store for a card that you could give Dad, but I just couldn't find a good one." I said -
"Dogs can buy cards in the store to give to humans?!" Mom pointed out that I can't go in the store to buy a card, because I'm not a service dog, and that's why I have to make cards at camp. "What kinds of cards are we talking about, though," I asked Mom.
She cocked her head, closed her eyes, and said, "Now let me think. I saw a Father's Day card that said, 'It'd be ruff without you.' Get it?"
"Ruff!" I said, and we both laughed.
"Actually I saw a really funny one online, but I didn't feel like spending $8 on it," Mom said. "It said, 'Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my favorite face to lick after I lick my poo' (PineappleGiftsShop)." We literally ROFLed at that one.
But hearing about these cards got me thinking - what else can a dog buy in the store?
Mom said that, sadly, dogs can't buy things in a store - service dogs or not - but that humans can buy lots of pet-related stuff in the store that isn't food or toys, like t-shirts, dresses, sweaters, jackets, and even boots! She said between 2017-2018, pet apparel spending increased 200%, and spending on pet hoodies increased 622%! (Zullilly). Whoa - hoodies?! "Don't get too excited," Mom said dryly. "We don't like to do trendy things. But you have a raincoat!" I grimaced. A hand-me-down raincoat.
But this was eye-opening! I wanted to know more. "Do a lot of people have pets?" I asked Mom.
"Over 90.5 million American homes have pets, according to the American Pet Products Association. The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals says 1 in 5 American households picked up a pet during the pandemic - just like us! So there are lots of pets out there."
"And all these people buy their pets gifts - and cards for their pets to give to their human families?"
"Heck yeah," Mom said. "In fact, it's nutty how much people spend on pets for goofy things. It's estimated that Americans spent nearly $1.2 billion on their pets for Valentine's Day this year!" (National Retail Foundation)
"Did I get something for Valentine's Day?" I asked, trying hard to remember.
"Ah, you remember you got that fake stick to chew on for Christmas? Yeah, that's when we celebrate Valentine's Day."
Ah, yes. The fake stick. Best gift ever. "Is $1.2 billion a lot?"
"It's insane, Gus! Some things a pet needs - like a sweater, when you have to spend a lot of time outside in the winter, like you. And pets need food - even treats. But Valentine's Day gifts?!"
"Uh, you did buy me a stick," I mentioned, thinking about glass houses and stones and the pot and the kettle.
"Ok, but what about this - 400 of 1425 pet owners surveyed by Lending Tree in 2021 admitted to making pet purchases just to make social media posts."
"Social media posts?"
"This blog is social media," Mom clarified. "And we haven't spent one cent on stuff for you in order for you to do it." What a shame, I thought. Sounds like I'm missing out. Dad's always talking about how much money I cost, but it seems like maybe my humans aren't spending that cash on fun things for me. And Mom seems proud of this fact! What I hear her saying is that she's not so weak that she would spend money on goofy things like dog hoodies, heart-shaped dog treats, or fake roses for Valentine's Day - too bad, cause those rose chew toys look like something I'd love to eat!
I started to feel kind of sad about this fact. I mean, what? I'm not worth as much as other people's pets? I only get what I need? My humans have such uncompromising morals that I can't reap the rewards of all this outrageous pet spending? I understand now why Mom and Dad really love my homemade cards for every occasion - they're cheap and they appreciate a penny saved.
But then I started thinking about a few things - a few excessive things to be exact. Like new squeaky tennis balls on a fairly regular basis, a dog bed for Dad's truck, an orthopedic mat for my crate, dog ice cream . . .
So while Mom, from her high horse, went on citing statistics that I can't even believe humans are tracking ($ spent on dog hoodies??), I dug through my photo reel for a little dose of reality to free Mom from the self-righteous farce she was currently selling.
"Ah, Mom?" I asked. "How much money do those folks say irresponsible humans spend on their pets for that costume-crazy holiday called Halloween?"
Mom rolled her eyes. I think she knew where this was going . . . May the farce be with you, Mom.
(Americans spend nearly half a billion - a billion! - dollars on Halloween costumes each year - American Canine Journal.)
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